I really do sincerely wish from the very core of my being that people would refrain from asking me a) if I’m pregnant /yet/ or b) when we’re going to have children. Or at least, if people could ask less, that would be really SUPER awesome.

And when I say ‘we aren’t planning for it’ or ‘no babies’, could you not look at me like I suddenly grew three extra heads, a tail, and my eyes turned purple. 

Thanks.

I mean it’s true, isn’t it?

What you ask when:

A person is single: Any one special on the horizon?

A person is dating: When are you guys planning on getting engaged?

A person is engaged: When are you guys planning on getting married?

A person is married: When are you guys planning on having kids?

A person is old: When are you going to DIE?

Okay, maybe not that last one. But seriously, these are some really big personal decisions and life events that you don’t always have control over. These are the things that GOD leads you into and through, not things you put in your planner and schedule for 12 months time. They can also be intensely personal and private. Do you want everyone to know you’re trying to have kids? Or the reason you aren’t having them is because you CAN’T have them? What about if you’re dating and still discerning if marriage is the correct course of action? They are some issues with his leadership or her attitude and you’re working on it. You can’t put a time limit on that. What if God has lead you into a period of singleness? It’s hard for most people when He does that and constantly reminding them isn’t helping. Also, they are probably waiting for the RIGHT person, not the TOLERABLE person. 

Basically, when you are on the receiving end of these questions you feel judged or ashamed most of the time. You know it. I know it. So why do we insist on asking these questions? Sure, you might what to know. But if they want you to know, they will tell you. “What’s exciting in your life right now?” “What’s news?” “How’s it going?” “What’s happening?” All valid questions that can lead into an engaging conversation that don’t make someone feel like they are less because they aren’t in a place you want them to be in or think they should be. 

Have we so far lost the art of communication that we legitimately can’t talk about anything except the next big life event that you can read about on facebook? The next juicy bit of gossip? Talk about movies, books, how God is moving, sport, the funny thing you saw on the internet, how much you love cheese, the children dying in Africa, the genocide being committed in the Congos, the best fishing spot or talk about how it’s not really coffee if it’s decaf. There is so much out there to talk about. So TALK ABOUT THAT instead of a non-existent love life, a hypothetical wedding, the personal pain of a young couple who can’t have children or grandma’s imminent death.