New Years Special
Hi Everyone!
Did you miss me? I missed you.
Anyway, I have a tradition, a new years email. I probably won’t do it this year, but I didn’t want to not write a reflection on 2010. So I thought I would post it here. I don’t know if this means I’m back or not. But it does mean you guys get a rather long post. So here we go:
New Years Eve last year was one of the more hideous nights I’ve every had. I’d just got back from the worst Christmas I’ve ever lived through. Mark had just broken up with his girlfriend, who’d I’d been hanging out with. And so Mark and my sister and I spent NYE together. Bethany went to sleep. Mark got drunk and asked:
“Don’t you want to be special to someone, Sarai?”
To which I replied.
“Not if it’s to you. We’ve had this conversation.”
To which he got very upset and I had to take him home.
I brought in the new year, in my car alone, just having found Mark’s house (he lost it), watching the casino fireworks, trying to get home before the end of the show to see Bethany.
It’s ironic then, that from that we move to two days later with a text ‘it’s just, um, you know’ that led to a month of prayer, that led to four months of dating, that led to five months of being engaged, that has led to one and a half months of being married.
Yes, this year has probably been the most extreme year I’ve had when it comes to highs and lows.
On May 10, I got engaged to Mark. It was such a strange thing to happen to me. It was happy but… I’m just amazed. I’m utterly amazed and I was completely in shock. I still am some days.
On June 27, my father had a stroke. He was 51. There were no warning signs. One Sunday morning he woke up and he was no longer there. He spent a three weeks in an induced coma. After he woke up, he couldn’t remember me to start with. Everyone else he could. He was violent towards me. And then… he remembered. But he still could not talk to me. He lost all his ability to formulate words and recognise symbols. He remembered the strangest things. He couldn’t say my name but he could work out how to make a football ladder work.
On August 3, my brother Dave joined left for Kapooka - the army’s basic training camp for all new recruits. It was a hard day, but a joyous one. God has called him to this but I miss him lots.
On November 13, I got married. I married the first guy I ever kissed, the first one to hold my hand. I married the only person who has ever taken the time to get to know me, to try to figure out how I work, and to love me, knowing me better than anyone else. I got married to the most amazing man I have ever met. My father walked me down the aisle. Yes, it took him a slight elbow nudge from me to know when to say ‘I will’, but he knew how fast to walk, he knew where to stand and he said his words perfectly.
Yesterday, I spent time with Dad. I understood a lot of what he said, and he understood half of what I said, the rest he could read. I’m so proud of him. The doctors say two years. I think we can improve on that with prayer.
Dad’s stroke has taught me a lot about God. It certainly improved my prayer life. They told us he might never walk again. They told us he might not remember us. He might never be back to himself. He walks, and runs, and talks and laughs and he remembers everything. Short term is still a little hazy. The doctors said it could be years before he gets to here. It’s not been six months. The doctors say two years to recovery as good as it’s going to get, I believe it’s going to be sooner and better than they say. Because God is amazing and he answers prayers.
God has also spoken to me a lot this year about my relationship with Him, and how His plans are better than mine. I thought we had a pretty good deal, God and I. I was going to be single forever, travel the world with Him and do whatever He called me to. And He let me believe that for the longest time. Then… he gave me to Mark. Through Mark, God has taught me:
- His plans are better than my plans. His ways are higher than ours.
- He created us for a purpose and when we are living in that purpose our relationship with Him changes dramatically.
- My relationship with Mark is meant to be representative of my relationship with Him. As I do things to make Mark smile, or to show respect, or to honour him, so I should do things for God. As I long to spend time with him, so I should long to spend time with God.
- That when I’m living in His purpose and doing what He’s called me to, the things I do in that purpose that are good and right are acts of praise to God. Basically, if I’m showing my husband love and respect, I’m praising God.
- God loves me more than Mark loves me. Mark loves me a lot. I can’t conceive of how God loves me.
- Seek to have my needs met. I tend to suffer in stuff but I need to seek to have my needs met. And when I do that, they get met.
Sometimes, God lets us believe what we want to believe, what we need to believe to get through something. If I’d known I was going to get married this year, last year would have been very different. And 2009 was a great vintage.
This year has been amazing. I’d relive it all. I’ve never been so alive as I have been this year. I’ve never felt so much. I’ve never risen so high above, gone so far beyond, been crushed so badly, cried so much or laughed so hard. It’s been a year of new beginnings, some good, some bad. This year has been a real journey. Incredible highs, crushing lows. I’d do it all again. But I’m excited that I never will too. I’m excited for 2011 and all it will bring. I’m excited for my first year as a married woman. I’m excited for spending my year with Mark and growing with him. I’m excited for watching my sister grow. I’m excited for watching Dad recover in miraculous ways. I’m excited for Dave and where the army will take him. I’m excited for what God is going to do in 2011. I can’t even begin to know His plans and I’m learning that, sometimes, the not knowing makes it even more amazing when it comes.
God go with you all in 2011. May it be a year of adventure, excitement, of breaking self-imposed limitations, of stepping out, trying new things, of joy. May it be a year of learning and growing. May you always have enough hardship to appreciate the good.
Live long and prosper, each and every one of you.
Love Sarai.